12 hours

It has been 12 hours since Mike walked away from his troubled body. Did he watch me as I grieved over it? Did he linger just a few moments to see how much we loved him? Did he know our hearts were broken? He had turned toward heaven long before his body stopped breathing. But I still cried and stroked his face and kissed his cheek and told him I loved him.  I covered him myself with the soft green blanket I had brought in from home a few days ago. I asked the nurse to keep him wrapped in it when they took his body away.
In one of the last conversations I had with him, he told me that when he came back to work after his first bout with liver failure he decided to be the best person he could be with his friends at work and his clients. He said he tried to be a good listener. He said he kept his anger at bay. I told him I didnt see any anger now. He said, 'It's hard to be angry when you feel shame' I told him, 'Michael, I forgive you. Dad Forgives you, God forgives you. You have to forgive yourself. I know the demons that plagued you. I understand what drove you to this.'
His mind became foggy after that.
To Michaels friends and colleagues at La Costa Limo. Thank you for the bond you created with him in his last weeks and months of life and probably before. You got to see the Michael that I havent seen for a very long time. The wonderful, funny compassionate, intelligent Mike that I brought into the world 42 years ago.
When Mike was born and they put him in my arms, I looked into his little newborn face and said, 'I will never let anything bad ever happen to you' I didnt know he would do the bad things to himself.
I loved him so much! But my love couldnt save him from himself.