Memories

The memories flood back and threaten to overwhelm me. I keep thinking about when he died. Sue took me down to the Casa. I ran to his room and threw myself on him. I cried and cried and cried. I said the things that both Frank and I wanted to say to him. Michael, Michael I loved you so!
A few days before he died he was restless and in pain. We begged the nurses to give him more medication. Finally we got a hold of the hospice nurse and they told the floor nurse what to give him. After an hour he finally slept peacefully. From then on they made sure he had enough medicine on board. He slipped into a semi coma and never really came back to us. I brought a soft light velvety blanket from home. The hospital blankets werent long enough for his long legs. After I put it on him I felt like he was at peace and covered with my love. He looked so peaceful that I decided to take a picture of him. Im glad I did. My mind goes back to the hour of his death again and again. Im comforted to know he was covered with the blanket I brought him. I asked the nurses to be sure he was covered with the blanket when they took him away.
Today I bought a replacement blanket, The same kind I put on Mike but a different color. It brings a flood of memories.
I need those memories. I need to feel all of it. I havent felt it enough yet. I dont want to let him go yet. It would be worse not to feel this pain and sadness.  The only thing that helps is to write it here and to know that all of you who love me are reading it. I miss talking to you. But it's still hard for me. I cry. Please email me.

Here is the last picture I have of Mike 2 Days before he died