It's not over

I guess it will never really be over. Sometimes I have a week or two when I feel pretty normal, especially when I have lots of distractions. Since Im in Sacramento with my large extended family. I can always count on someone to keep me busy. And not just that, I have their loving support and understanding.
Nevertheless the last two days have been tough. I have been thinking about Mike so much! I go over and over his life. I relive his pain. He suffered in so many ways. I would have given my life to take away the hurt, sadness and loneliness that accompanied the bipolar disorder and alcoholism. But I was powerless over such a formidable enemy.
I remember little flashes of those horrible last days of Mike's life. He lay in bed, first in excruciating pain, then simply unconscious. The tenderness I felt toward him as he lay their breathing with labored breath was almost unbearable. Today I felt those feelings as strong as I did the first time.
I struggled with tears all day. I went to the gym and was crying as I was doing my exercise.  But I soldiered on. I know I needed the exercise. When I got back to the car I just broke down and sobbed. Finally I dried my tears and went on with my day.  But the tears aren't far away even now. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.