24 hour blurr

Today was the worst day of my life. Im not sure when this day really started. Was it at 2:30 am when the nurse called to tell us Michael doing poorly? (I will spare the details) What she said got us out of bed and down to the Casa. Mike was sitting in bed very confused with the nurses taking care of him. They had just cleaned him up. For the rest of the night he was restless combative and in pain. I sat there watching him take every breath thinking each one might be his last. The night dragged into day with more of the same, with brief periods of quiet when he slept. Long story short, we pushed the hospice nurses to deal with the restless combative energy along with the pain. Frank said, "this isnt how it should be. He should be lying peacefully in a coma then slip away.  The nurses say that this is an expression of his brain deterioration and isnt a conscious effort on his part.  Finally they added a sedative to the pain med. Hopefully it will give him some peace. I have begun to summon the family to me. Susan will arrive this afternoon. Katie and Bruce are coming tomorrow. That will be enough for now. I dont expect the whole Campbell Clan to descend on San Diego when he goes. We will have him taken away and cremated.  Frank doesnt want to have a service for him. But I do.  Im thinking we could have one here for his friends and ours, and another one in Sacramento for the Northern California family.
They say it will be anywhere from 24-48 hours and he will be gone.
There is no way to describe the pain I am feeling right now.  Im raw with it. My thoughts are fighting each other for attention. I dont have one single thought that I want to think.
The tears keep coming. Thats a good thing. Cris is taking care of us now. She is driving me back and forth to the Casa. Im home for a little while. I sent Cris back to be with Frank and Mike with a sandwich for Frank.
I know Im not the only mother who has lost or is loosing a child to alcoholism. We each have our own unique set of circumstances.  My dear friend Carmen lost her John just 5 months ago. I told her then that Mike was doing the same thing John did, he just chose the scenic route to leave the planet.
Mike has had friends come by who prayed with him and read him the bible. He is beyond that now. He has one foot in heaven, one ready to step over the threshold.
Would that he could give us a little of the peace he will soon have.