Frank and Sallee

I have finally been able to have some conversations with the family. I talked to Scott a couple of times. I tried talking to Mom. But  my throat closed up and I couldnt talk. This morning I had a conversation with Shirley that lasted a little longer before my throat closed. She told me that all of you are concerned about us. And rightfully so. We have lost our son. Nothing can change that. Frank and I are talking about Mike and the things that trouble us about his death. We are assuring each other that we did all that could possibly be done and then some.  We have to go back to that again and again. Eventually we will come to accept it.

We want all of you to know that we are going to work through this and get to the other side. I do not intend to let myself go and become a mother who can not get free of her grief over her son. Mike has been with me from the other side. He promised to help me before he goes on. He didnt want us to go through this. But he also didnt want us to spend the rest of our lives trying to fix what cant be fixed. He tried so hard to protect us from his chaos. But he just couldnt manage it. Some may be angry at Mike for putting us through this. Im not. I understand him and why he lived his life the way he did.
There is a small part of me that has stepped back and become the observer. Just as I did as I broke my ankle. Im looking for what I can learn from this.  I will embrace it and add it to all that I already know about myself. This will put me in the unique position of being someone who lost a son to alcoholism. Hopefully I can help someone else going through this lifelong tragedy.  But that isnt the main thrust of my grieving. I just want to honor Mike and the life he lived, and more than that honor myself for being the best mother I could possibly be.
To all of you who are concerned about my well being. Dont worry. Somewhere down the road I will be ok. I just have to work through this. Your love and concern help me in ways I cant describe. Please post here or email me. Your words and thoughts are a comfort.
Love, Sallee