One week

It has been one week since Mike died. I say it like it is. He died, not passed away. I have to keep saying it to believe it myself. We could go a couple of weeks without hearing from Mike. So it would be easy to forget that we will never hear from him again. It feels like he is still around. I think he will hang out for a while before he is ready to leave. He has a lot to sort out. And a lot to help us sort out. He is in a position to do that now. The shoe is on the other foot. He has all the answers and we are left with all the questions. But that has been our life. We never knew what to do to make him better. It turns out nothing we did would make him better.  Was it a complete waste of time energy and love? I dont think so. I couldnt help but love him, in all his complexity. As I look through the pictures of him with us I remember that there was so much more to Mike than the thing that led him to his death. Im so glad I was such an avid photographer. I recorded all of our happy moments and some of our sad ones.  Im glad I have all of it now. 
I think about Mike almost all the time. When I get distracted for a while. I suddenly feel very sad. And then I remember why. But I will move forward. 
One more thing. I have said very little about Katie our wonderful daughter and Bruce our wonderful son in law. That is because I think they would not want their part of this story on the internet. I love them dearly. And Im very very proud of them. They were here when Mike died. That was important to me. They are back living their lives now. This is as it should be.