Grieving my way

There are many ways to grieve a loss. But there is no right or wrong way. Each day is different. Sometimes Im completely overwhelmed with pain and sorrow. Sometimes I function as I did before Mike died. Sometimes I just walk through the hours oblivious to the world around me, in a daze. I try to think of the happy times we had with Mike. There are many.

My plan is to feel all my feelings, shed all my tears. Then find ways to think that feel good and healthy.  I most certainly wont abandon all I have learned about myself. I will use the tools I have put in place to transition to a place that feels ok.  I will get my life back, not as it was before Mike died. But a life that has meaning and value and feeds my soul. I will do this for me, not Mike. He wanted this for Frank and I. It is one of the reasons he left. I will not beat myself up over decisions I made in my relationship with Mike that he may have construed as permission from us to leave.  He wanted to go for a very long time. But we wanted him to stay. He stayed and struggled with his demons in order to protect us from what we are feeling now. When we 'broke up' with him, he was relieved. He said, 'At last you get it!"

In one of his last poems he said, 'I know what Im doing'. He decided to rip the bandaid off so that we could heal. He made the ultimate sacrifice. I get it!