Highs and Lows

I guess this is part of the process of coming to terms with Mike's death. One day I feel like Im ok with it all. Ive done my grieving. I can move on. The next day, not so much.
This morning I went to the DMV to find out how to get title to Mike's car and pass it on to Skip. They gave me a bunch of paperwork. So Im trying to figure out how to do it. Some of it is for Skip to do.
Then I called our insurance. I wanted to be sure we are insured in the interim. This is when things started to go down again. Our insurance company is wonderful. (USAA). They have been our insurance company for 50 years. They have always taken care of us. So when I told them Mike had died and I wanted to know how to insure his car until we pass it on to Skip, they were so sympathetic that I started crying again. I guess sympathy is a trigger. But yet, I need support from my loved ones. There are no easy answers to any of this. Frank is hurting, Im hurting and nothing can really fix this.
 I went to my place of healing, the Wild Animal Park today. While I was walking I thought of one more way to hurt. Did Mike's life mean anything? Did he suffer alone for no good reason? He would have killed himself years ago if it wasnt for us. Was there any good reason for him to stay on the planet so long when he was so unhappy?
He made some very bad decisions in his life. But he hurt himself more than anyone else.  I keep thinking of him alone in his room, night after night. I feel that endlessness that he felt. I wish I wasnt so good at feeling other people's feelings.