Survivors of Suicide

Ive been cruising around the internet looking at sites for people who have lost a loved one by suicide.  Even though Mike died from alcohol consumption, he knew what he was doing. He chose alcohol to do it. Im learning that Im not alone. Many many people share this experience.
Here is an excerpt from a pamphlet called, 'Coping with suicide loss'

Because suicide is often poorly understood, some survivors feel unfairly victimized by stigma. They may feel the suicide is somehow shameful, or that they or their family are somehow to blame them for this tragedy.

But you should know that 90 percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death (most often depression or bipolar disorder). Just as people can die of heart disease or cancer, people can die as a consequence of mental illness. Try to bear in mind that suicide is almost always complicated, resulting from a combination of painful suffering, desperate hopelessness and underlying psychiatric illness. 

This is absolutely true of Michael.His bipolar disorder was much worse than mine. He suffered terribly from demons that haunted him in the night. He was ok when he was working or with other people. But when he went home the walls closed in on him. He drank to numb that, even though he knew he was killing himself