I saw my therapist Dr Layton today. He is a bipolar disorder specialist. He knows Mike. He met him a few years ago. And a lot of what I talk about is Mike. He explained to me today that Mike had what he called mixed. By that he means, not only was he depressed, but he was manic. This causes incredible pain and discomfort. I showed him some of Mike's art. I said, he certainly seemed to be able to focus for a long time in order to make these complex pieces. He said he probably worked really fast in a manic state. He really liked some of the pictures. Im going to have one or two of them mounted for him. When Im up for it, Im going to take them to an art gallery to see if they are as good as I think they are. Dr Layton explained to me that when he was out working Mike was on his game, functioning very efficiently and being very personable. But when he got home to his empty room the walls closed in on him. He drank to numb himself.
Frank and I are reminding ourselves that we took Michael in on many occasions. He told us very clearly last January that he doesnt want to come home. And he doesnt want us coming to check on him. He was already on a path. We suspected as much. He was standing in front of the train. We couldnt stop the train, and we couldnt pull him off of the tracks as we had done so many times before. Thats what we go over and over and over. That's what breaks our hearts.
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