A thought that comforts

I finally had a thought that comforts me. Each time I heard about an accident anywhere near where Mike lived, I had a small stab of fear that it was Mike. I also worried when I heard about a man that had gone crazy and done bad things. Mike had periods of instability when he might have been the one. I had a quick thought of Mike whenever I heard of someone who got a DUI or a hit and run. None of these things ever happened to Mike. But the potential was there. When the young man who was mentally unstable shot those people in Arizona I thought of Mike. When it happened Mike was not in a good place. He even emailed me a picture of the young man standing with his arm around his mother and you could see that they loved each other. Obviously this was taken when he was not in the throws of mental illness. It was very troubling to me. It was like Mike was taunting me with that picture. The message I got was, 'I love you Mom. But I might do something crazy' Sometimes Mike was not a very nice person. I think he was trying to alienate us so he could carry out his plan to drink himself to death. He succeeded.
Im free of that now. And Mike is at peace. That comforts me. He freed me from my
fears. He knew what he was doing. And in doing so, he found his peace as well.
But oh my goodness, it hurts. When I look back on his life I can see his pain and his mental instability. But I was not able to help him.
My anguish and my anger are that he had this mental illness in the first place. My frustration is that there was treatment for it. He was under treatment for 2 years and I saw my real son.  But he stopped taking his medication and the crazy Mike came back.
But at least I no longer have to fear for his safety or the safety of others. It is a small comfort. But its something.